Don’t Touch Without Asking: Dog Etiquette That Keeps Everyone Safe
Hello there! This is Jackie, a member of the POPs board, and I wanted to share a blog post today about something that actually happened to me. So this is a quick reality check (from a vet lobby)
Last week, I was at the vet, checking out after my dog’s appointment. She was on leash, we were in a busy lobby, and she was clearly in “I’m not totally sure about this place” mode.
A stranger walked up, said, “Beautiful dog,” and then reached down to pet her.
No pause. No question. No space.
My dog growled and showed her teeth.
And honestly? That was a normal, reasonable dog response.
She did not know him. She was in an unfamiliar place. She was on a leash. She was next to me. Her job, in that moment, was to communicate: “Back up. I’m not comfortable.”
So let’s talk about why you should never assume it’s okay to pet a dog you don’t know, and what to do instead.
Why you shouldn’t pet a dog without asking
1) You don’t know the dog’s history
Some dogs are friendly with their people but nervous with strangers. Some are in training. Some are recovering from a bad experience. Some are in pain. Some are simply not social butterflies, and that’s allowed.
2) The location matters
A vet office is not a casual meet-and-greet. It smells like stress. It’s loud. It’s full of other animals. Dogs often feel vulnerable there, even if they’re normally confident.
3) Leashes change everything
A dog on leash can’t walk away. When a dog can’t create space, they may use the only tools they have left: growling, showing teeth, barking, or snapping. That’s not “aggression out of nowhere.” That’s communication.
4) Reaching down is intense and threatening
To a dog, a hand coming over their head or at their face can feel like a trap, especially if the person is moving quickly or leaning into the dog’s face.
5) You’re setting the dog up to fail
When people ignore a growl or laugh it off, they teach the dog that communication doesn’t work. Dogs that get punished or ignored for growling sometimes stop growling and go straight to a snap next time.
A growl is a warning. It’s a gift. Listen to it.
Growling doesn’t mean “bad dog”
Let’s be clear: growling is not a character flaw.
Growling is a dog saying:
“I’m uncomfortable.”
“I need space.”
“Please don’t push this.”
That is a dog trying to avoid something worse.
A dog that communicates early is safer than a dog that stays silent until they feel they have no other option. How to greet a dog the right way
If you want to say hi to someone’s dog, awesome. Just do it correctly.
Step 1: Ask the human first
Try:
“Is she friendly with strangers?”
“Can I say hi, or would you prefer space?”
And accept the answer. If they say no, it’s not personal. It’s safety.
Step 2: Give the dog a choice
Stand a little sideways. Keep your body calm. Don’t lean over them. Don’t corner them.
Step 3: Let the dog come to you
Hold your hand low, relaxed, and still. Don’t shove it into their face. If the dog wants to sniff, they will.
Step 4: Pet the safe zones
If the dog is clearly comfortable, pet the chest or shoulder area. Skip the top of the head. Skip hugging. Skip grabbing the collar. Skip face-to-face contact.
Step 5: Watch the dog’s signals
Good signs:
loose body
soft eyes
wagging tail that matches a relaxed body
choosing to stay near you
Ears relaxed
Not good signs:
stiff posture
whale eye (white of eye showing)
lip licking, yawning when not tired
backing away
growling
teeth showing
Ears up and tense
If you see stress signals, stop. Give space. End it politely.
If you really want to “make friends,” use treats
This is the easiest way to build trust without pressure.
Here’s how:
Ask the owner if treats are okay
Toss the treat on the ground near the dog (do not hand-feed right away)
Let the dog decide if they want to approach
Repeat, slowly
Tossing treats creates a positive association without forcing contact. It’s respectful, and it works. You can also sit quietly to the side and let the dog come to you. This shows them that you want to gain their trust and eases the process.
The bottom line and hard truth
If you don’t know the dog, don’t touch the dog.
Dogs are not public property. They’re living beings with boundaries, emotions, and instincts. And if a dog growls when a stranger reaches into their space, that’s a normal reaction. That’s communication. The thing I see most often is humans ignoring basic dog etiquette, then blaming the dog when they get snapped at.
